Do you? Well, the story is on my blog. This story is kind of like that, except it's not really a story, just more of a state of mind. I think I might be losing it/need therapy for my irrational fear of sleeping alone in my house.
Let me preface this by clarifying that I haven't always been this ridiculous. I lived alone for a summer in my empty apartment while my roommates all went home. I've stayed in my old apartments alone countless times, but once I got married, and got used to sleeping next to someone...BOOM, psycho fear of sleeping by myself.
Are you ready to hear how ridiculous I am? Maybe this will be some form of therapy for me to get the craziness typed out, then I can read it back and laugh at how stupid I am. I'm willing to try anything.
Nate left this morning for a work trip. I started working on myself all day,
"Oh, no big deal...it's so sunny and bright out...all kinds of friendly neighbors! Hey, neighbors!"
"What a safe and happy little neighborhood we live in. Dogs. Babies. Happy People."
This afternoon I literally googled the crime demographics for our area. The chance of me or my child being murdered? 0.28%. "Great odds! I can do this...no problem."
Welp...it's officially dark out. New thoughts.
"This neighborhood is so dark and empty. That guy walking his dog looks pretty murderish."
"0.28%? That's less than a 1% chance of getting murdered. But, Brittany that is pretty high. Think of all those times you try and win blog giveaways that have 100 comments or less and think to yourself...'Ooo, I have a 1/100 shot of winning!'...well, now you have a 1/100 shot of being murdered (Well, way less than that when you compute the whole 0.28% thing, but I'm too lazy...you get the point). How stupid are you for thinking that was small??"
Do you see the crazy argument that happens in my head all night? ALL NIGHT. The only thing that keeps me grounded is the thought that if someone tried to come in and hurt/take my baby I would literally KILL them. I would let them take anything in our house and mangle me before they would come near my baby. I just have to keep that thought in the back of my head and then I don't feel like such a helpless victim. I can do this guys! I will sleep alone tonight! Wish me luck :)